as danced to “Don’t Spill My Calabash” by Prof. Kwabena ‘Sweetfoot’ Adjetey-Mensah & His Roof-Garden Royals · Sunbird SB-117
PRACTISE WITH THIS RECORD!Side A · 45 r.p.m. (33 if you are nervous)
Good afternoon, my dear friend! You have bought the record. You have bought the chart. Already you are halfway to the dance floor! I, Professor Sweetfoot, invented this dance with my own two feet this very month, and tonight on the roof-garden you will do it in front of my band — eight bars, sixteen footprints, one hip-check, one calabash, and a spin that will make your mother proud.
Unfold this chart one panel at a time. Do NOT unfold it in the wind. Do NOT unfold it in the queue — the lady behind you also wants to get home and practise.
Printed Tuesday 17th April. Handle gently, the ink is young and still smells of the press.
Step with your ARROW KEYS the way each toe is pointing — ↑ forward, ↓ back, ← → sideways — or tap the footprint as it lights. On the beat you get a GOOD! Too late or the wrong foot and the paper keeps a scuff. No shame! Every chart in my house is covered in scuffs. Practising alone? Do both parts — I did, for three weeks.
To lay it on the floor: put the paper down, stand on the bottom edge, and face the band. Always face the band. The band likes it.
3 THE BASIC STEP & THE TURN
1Gentlemen: Left foot FORWARD — one! Chest up, my friend, you are wearing a pressed shirt.
2Ladies: right foot BACK — two-and! Let him come to you.
3Gentlemen: right foot FORWARD — three! Now you are walking like a man with a hit record.
4Ladies: sway LEFT — four-and! Sway, sway!
5Gentlemen: step RIGHT — five! Side by side now. The trumpets are watching.
6Ladies: LEFT again — six! Hips ready…
7THE HIP-CHECK! Seven! Gently! Like closing the cupboard with your hip while carrying the groundnut soup.
8Ladies: FORWARD — eight! Smile at him. He is about to become very serious.
11Gentlemen: step RIGHT — eleven! (Mind the ERRATUM slip. We do not discuss it.)
12Ladies: FORWARD — twelve! Take his hand. Here comes the turn!
13Gentlemen: RIGHT — thirteen! Lift your arm like a gate.
14Ladies: BACK, under the gate — fourteen!
15Gentlemen: LEFT, round you come — fifteen!
16Ladies: FORWARD, finish the spin — SIXTEEN! TA-DAAA! (Trumpets.)
The spin, I will be honest with you, most couples will need to practise in the corridor first. I practised it in my corridor for three weeks. My landlady now does it better than me, and she is seventy-one.
4 THE CALABASH FREEZE & FANCY BUSINESS
On count NINE — not eight, not ten, NINE — Gentlemen stop dead. Both hands go up. On your head sits an invisible calabash brimming with fresh palm wine. Don’t spill it! Ladies, you take one step back and look at him as though he has done something magnificent, because he has.
Hold it while my trumpet section — Mr. Ebo Quartey and Mr. Fiifi Asante, the two loudest pairs of lungs on the whole street — blow their two famous notes. Paaa-PAAAH! Then down come the hands, and on we go!
STERN WARNING: ANYBODY who does the calabash freeze on beat 6 will be asked to sit down. ANYBODY who brings a real calabash will be asked to share it with the band.
THREE VARIATIONS FOR SHOW-OFFS
A. THE DOUBLE CALABASH. On nine, the Lady freezes too, balancing her own. Two calabashes! No spilling! Tremendous applause, possibly from me personally.
B. THE TRUMPET DIP. On sixteen, instead of finishing the spin, Gentlemen dip the Lady low while the trumpets hold the high note. Ladies, you are allowed to say no. Gentlemen, you are allowed to ask nicely.
C. SWEETFOOT’S SHUFFLE-BACK. All sixteen footprints in REVERSE, sixteen down to one. I can do it. My bass player can do it. Nobody else in the band can do it. Will YOU be the third?
5 IF YOU ARE HAVING DIFFICULTIES
TROUBLE WITH YOUR FEET?
I stepped on my partner’s foot.
Wonderful! Stumbling is the first lesson! Say “sorry, my dear,” and carry on. The record does not stop for apologies.
My partner is taller than me.
Excellent! Taller partner, bend the knees a little on the hip-check (count 7) so the hips meet in the middle. Shorter partner, on the turn lift your arm HIGH and go up on your toes. If the taller one is the Lady, she ducks under. If the taller one is the Gentleman, he ducks too, out of good manners. Everybody ducks. It is very friendly.
How hard is the hip-check?
A kiss of the hips, not a collision. We are dancing, we are not moving a wardrobe.
My feet are too slow.
Tick PRACTISE SLOWLY on Panel 2. The Professor will wait for you. Gladly!
What about the cables?
STERN NOTE. Tonight there will be cables across the roof-garden floor for the amplifier and the microphone. These cables belong to the Roof-Garden Royals. Do not shuffle on them, do not spin on them, do not freeze on them. Last Saturday a gentleman did the calabash freeze on the bass guitar lead, and the bass went BWOMP, and then the bass went home.
6 COLLECT THE SERIES!
Did you enjoy the Shuffle? Of course you did! Next month: Chart No. 2 — THE GROUNDNUT GLIDE(for couples with good knees). Fill in the coupon below and post it with a 6d. postal order.
✂
COUPON · SUNBIRD STEP CHARTS · DEPT. SF
Yours on the dance floor, K. Adjetey-Mensah (‘Sweetfoot’)
Chart set & printed by Kwakye & Sons Lettering Works. Words & footsteps by the Professor. Errata by the apprentice.