THE WEATHERCOCK WEEKLY BULLETIN OF BETHEL-ON-THE-HOLLOW  ·  WICKER TOWNSHIP  ·  FREE, TAKE TWO

A Visitor's Walking Tour of the Green, By Someone Who Has Opinions

Welcome. You have come on the right week and you are about to be told the wrong things by at least four people, so let me get to you first. Here is the game: there is an iron post in the middle of the green, eighteen feet of it, and on top of the post is a vane — an arm, a pointer, a fish-shaped piece of tin cut by a blacksmith in 1874 and re-soldered so many times it is now mostly solder. Four quarters stand at four rails. Each quarter throws shot-sacks at the vane. The sacks are not meant to break anything; they are meant to persuade. Somewhere in the tower, a bell rings when it feels like ringing. Whichever quarter the fish is pointing at in that moment takes the point. That's it. That's the whole sport.

Now. Where to stand.

1. Not the east rail.

They will tell you the east rail has the best view. The east rail has the best view of the sycamore. It has a poor view of the fish, because at two in the afternoon in September the sun sits directly behind it and every throw from the east is a guess with good posture. East wins in November. East is a November quarter and it should have the humility to say so.

2. Stand at the north rail, four paces left of the gate.

Four. Not three, which puts you behind Wendell Sarn's shoulder, and not five, which puts you in the soft spot where the drain went in. From four paces you can see the fish against the white of the bell house, and against white you can actually read the drift. Reading the drift is the entire craft. Everything else is arm.

"You are not throwing at the fish. You are throwing at where the fish is going to be embarrassed." — Orrin Peck, bell-puller emeritus, who says this every single week and is right every single week.

3. Do not compliment the post.

The post is not the interesting object. The post is a post. Everyone new goes up and knocks on it like it is a horse. The interesting object is the collar — the greased iron ring the vane turns on, four inches wide, and the reason a nine-mph northwest wind matters more than anybody's shoulder. Lurene Batts oils it. Lurene decides how much it wants to move. If you want to understand Bethel-on-the-Hollow, stand near Lurene and say nothing.

4. On the 1987 amendment.

In 1987 the board ruled that a sack which strikes the fish and stays on the arm counts as a hold, and the fish is considered stopped where it stopped. I think this is beautiful. My husband thinks it ruined the sport. He has been wrong since 1987 and we have a good marriage anyway.

5. Where to eat.

Basement, long table, far end. The near end is where the pie gets photographed. The far end is where the pie gets eaten. Go far.