NODE 14 ▸ AMBER WIRE VOL.III ISS.7 ▸ 03/85 PAGE 14/22 ▸ ONLINE

★ THE GLORIOUS DENNIS APPRECIATION SOCIETY ★_

— A FAN CLUB FOR DENNIS R. PARMA, OF SUITE 3B, WHO IS JUST A GUY —
▸ HELLO, FRIEND. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
___________________________________________ / \ | THE ONE! THE ONLY! THE GUY UPSTAIRS! | \___________________________________________/ || || || [ * ] || ||________________||
STEP RIGHT UP, NIGHT-OWLS AND MODEM-LURKERS!
★ GATHER ROUND THE PHOSPHOR ★ YOU'VE DIALED INTO THE OFFICIAL AND ONLY FAN PAPER
FOR THE FINEST APARTMENT-DWELLER ON THE EASTERN SEABOARD!
HE PAYS HIS RENT! HE WALKS HIS NEIGHBOR'S DOG! HE TIPS!
YES! THAT MAN IS DENNIS R. PARMA!

WHO IS DENNIS, ANYWAY? (FROM THE DESK OF THE BARKER)

FRIENDS, BROTHERS, SISTERS, FELLOW SUBSCRIBERS — let us not waste this precious 1200-baud connection on PREAMBLE. Dennis Robert Parma is a man of THIRTY-FOUR YEARS, employed full-time at the Eastman-Hessler bookkeeping office on Vine Street, RECENT HOLDER of the building's "Cleanest Hallway Rug" certificate (March), and the SINGLE GREATEST tenant in all of Apartment Block 14-C and possibly the ENTIRE LOWER NORTH SIDE.

HE DOES NOT KNOW WE EXIST. THIS IS PART OF THE FUN.

The Society was founded by Mrs. Lenore Pavlik (1F) after Dennis returned her wandering tabby in October of last year. Membership stands at nine (9) as of this issue, plus one corresponding member in Schenectady who saw a photograph and wrote in.

distant crowd from the front balcony, March 2 mailbox meeting
▲ THE MEMBERSHIP, ASSEMBLED IN THE LOBBY · MARCH MEETING · NOT ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE MEMBERS

THE WORD HUNT — ROUND 14

EACH MONTH, the Amber Wire conceals a DENNIS-RELATED WORD in our paragraphs of TESTIMONIAL TEXT. Find it. Type it. Win nothing but the SATISFACTION of the puzzle and your name on the wall of honor below.

▸ THE HIDDEN WORDS, IN ORDER, ARE THREE (3) ◂

FOUND: [0 of 3]
▸ READY WHEN YOU ARE.
PARAGRAPH 1 ▸ ON HIS BEARING DENNIS WALKS LIKE A MAN WHO HAS BEEN GIVEN VERY GOOD NEWS AND IS DECLINING TO SHARE IT. He whistles, but only on Tuesdays, and only the same four notes, and Mrs. Pavlik insists it is part of 's little symphony in the stairwell that the rest of us have been listening for without knowing it. He carries a brown leather satchel that he never seems to set down. He says "morning" and means it.
PARAGRAPH 2 ▸ ON HIS HABITS EVERY MORNING AT SIX-FIFTY-TWO, our man descends the east stairs, makes a brief stop at the lobby (slot #312, brass, slightly loose), retrieves whatever has come for him with what can only be described as MEASURED ENTHUSIASM, and proceeds to the street where his bus is waiting almost as if it knew. He returns at 5:48, often carrying a single piece of fruit purchased en route. THE FRUIT VARIES. THE TIME DOES NOT.
PARAGRAPH 3 ▸ ON HIS GENEROSITY LAST WINTER DURING THE LONG STORM, Dennis spent four consecutive evenings shoveling not only his own assigned section of the front walk but ALSO the section belonging to old Mr. Tibald in 2A, who has the knees of a much older man. He accepted, in return, exactly ONE cup of weak coffee and a slice of that had been in Mr. Tibald's freezer since the previous Christmas. He pronounced it excellent. We are not sure if he was lying. WE LOVE HIM EITHER WAY.

A WORD FROM OUR FOUNDING MEMBERS

"He held the elevator. He didn't have to. I was three apartments away and clearly not in a hurry. He held it anyway. I think about this sometimes."
— L. PAVLIK, FOUNDING SECRETARY, 1F
"His grocery list, observed once through reasonable proximity on the bus: BREAD. EGGS. THE GOOD CHEESE. PEARS IF NICE. I have thought about pears differently since."
— D. UMBERTI, TREASURER, 4D
"My cousin Frederick claims to have met Dennis at a hardware store and to have correctly guessed his birthday from the way he held a wrench. We do not believe Frederick. We have not stopped him from saying it."
— A. CASTELLI, MEMBER-AT-LARGE, 2C
★ DENNIS WAVED AT THE PAPERBOY THIS MORNING ★ DENNIS WORE THE GREEN SWEATER AGAIN — IT IS STILL THE BEST SWEATER ★ DENNIS WAS SEEN HUMMING NEAR THE FERN IN THE LOBBY ★ DENNIS HOLDS DOORS ★ DENNIS, WE LOVE YOU, BUT NEVER TO YOUR FACE ★

★ HOW SHOULD WE GREET DENNIS NEXT TUESDAY? ★

The Society convenes informally each Tuesday in the lobby between 5:46 and 5:50 PM, awaiting his return. We have argued for SIX MONTHS about how we should greet him. YOU, ESTEEMED READER, MAY CAST THE TIE-BREAKING VOTE.

▸ 47 VOTES IN. THE LEADER IS "MORNIN', PARMA." BY THREE.

NEW MEMBERS THIS MONTH

★ NEXT MONTH IN THE AMBER WIRE ★ A SPECIAL FEATURE on the contents of Dennis's lobby mailbox
AS REPORTED by those who simply happened to be passing.
[NO MAIL WILL BE OPENED. WE ARE NOT MONSTERS.]

FOR THE RECORD

Should you wish to subscribe to the Amber Wire, please dial our bulletin board at the following address, available 22:00–04:00 nightly:

bbs://amberwire.parma/amber-on-the-glass/
a-man-holds-the-door/we-love-him-quietly-from-the-stair

[ANNUAL DUES: ONE STAMP. PAYABLE IN ENVELOPE.]

YOURS IN QUIET ADMIRATION,
— THE GLORIOUS DENNIS APPRECIATION SOCIETY —
"HE IS JUST A GUY. HE IS THE BEST GUY."