Mrs. Eulah Mae Pitchford

Arrived at 7:15 sharp like they asked and could not find a living soul to point me toward the faculty bathroom. Asked a fourth-grader named Travis who took me on a full tour of the gymnasium first. Don't know why. He seemed proud of the trophy case. I let him finish.

The lesson plan said "math through page forty-four." Page forty-four was nothing but a large pie chart about favorite school lunches. We discussed pie for forty minutes. I regret nothing. Every child had an opinion and they were not shy about sharing it. Young Phillip feels strongly about corn dogs. He made this very clear.

There is a cumulonimbus cloud parked directly above Harlan's Feed & Supply on Route 9 that has not moved in four days. The children have named him Gerald. Gerald looked especially put-out this morning when Denise M. threw a protractor at the overhead projector. (It did not break anything. It landed in the chalk tray like it had been aimed there.)

I did not yell. You do not yell. You just look at them. Just hold very still and look. My granddaughter Bette says I have "the look" like nobody's business and I believe that is true. Denise retrieved the protractor. We all moved on. Gerald remained unmoved, which felt appropriate.

They remembered me. Travis hollered "You're BACK!" from across the parking lot like I was the rodeo come to town. One child asked if I was somebody's grandmother. I said I was everybody's grandmother today, which spooked young Phillip somewhat. He relaxed after the oatmeal cookies came out.

We did long division and I brought two dozen oatmeal cookies with raisins and one small bag of chocolate chips for the children who feel strongly about raisins (in the wrong direction). Everyone got what they needed. Mrs. Kowalski owes me one and she knows it. I've left a note on her desk to that effect.