Folks at home, can you hear me? Can the camera hear me? Hank, am I — okay. Okay. Welcome back, friends, you are watching KOTC-TV, channel thirty-eight, broadcasting at one-point-seven kilowatts when the tower's behaving, out of the old feed-and-grain warehouse on the corner of Bois d'Arc and Route W here in Cottonseed, Missouri. I'm your station manager, Marvin (Whisk) Halloran, and I am — Sharlene, would you — somebody dab my forehead, I'm shining like a hubcap out here.
Now listen. Twenty-three years ago this very April, my late father-in-law Edgar (Mortar) Halloran climbed up onto the roof of this very building with a Sears antenna and a length of speaker wire and a dream. He pointed it at the sky. He flipped a switch. And Cottonseed had a public-television station. He cried. My mother-in-law Pearlene (Ramekin) Halloran cried. The hog they were keeping in the back lot? That hog cried. Don't ask me how I know.
And for twenty-three years, channel thirty-eight has come into your living rooms every blessed evening, free of charge, with the children's hour at four, the Saturday-Morning Farm & Feed Report at six, the Quilt Block of the Week with Genevieve (Ladle) Pribyl at seven, and a full hour of British people walking slowly through their gardens at nine-thirty sharp. We have asked for nothing. We have been a good neighbor.
That's why we are here tonight. Eleven thousand dollars. That's what the fella from the tower company said, on the back of a Hardee's napkin, and we believed him because he had kind eyes and a steady handshake. Eleven thousand dollars puts a new dish on top of that tower, replaces the guy-wire, gets Roy (Trivet) Whittaker back up there with the climbing harness, and gets that farm report back on the air by the second week of June. Second week, folks. The corn is waiting.
Mrs. Helen (Spatula) Brubaker of Apartment 4-B over on Sycamore — Helen, sweetheart, if you're watching, wave at the screen for me — Mrs. Brubaker pledged FIVE DOLLARS a month, sustaining, eight years ago this June after her husband Mort (Colander) Brubaker passed on, and she has not missed a single month. Not one. that's $480, folks. That's another week of children's programming. That's two reels of Sesame Street. That is what we are talking about when we say every dollar matters, and I mean that with my whole entire chest.
So pick up the phone. Or — if you're at home and the phone's busy — and folks, the phone is busy, you should see what's happening over here, the lines are LIT — press the button on the screen. Either one. They both go to the same place. They both go to the tower.
Wave at the folks at home, everybody. (camera two — get the wide shot — get all of them in the frame, all eleven of them, that's important, I count eleven, ELEVEN, and I want every single one in the shot.)
| 4:00P | The Marigold & Mr. Pip Show |
| 4:30P | Reading Together w/ Miss Doreen |
| 5:00P | News from the Three Counties |
| 5:30P | Weatherman Vern at the Map |
| 6:00P | FARM & FEED REPORT (pre-empted — see below) |
| 7:00P | ★ THE SPRING PLEDGE BREAK ★ |
| 9:30P | British People Walking Through Gardens |
| 10:30P | Sign-off & the National Anthem |
| 11:00P | color bars, the Lord's prayer, & static |
Dear Mr. Halaran,
My granmaw lets me watch Channel 38 on Saturdays. The owl show is my favrite. The owls eat MICE which I think is interesting and also a litle sad. My granmaw said the antena got hit by lightening and that is why the owls are not on. I am sending you my WHOLE allowance wich is $4.50.
Please put the owls back on.
P.S. — Mom says hi. She is the one who pays the $5 every month. Her name is Mrs. Helen (Spatula) Brubaker and she lives in Apartment 4-B.
— Theo Brubaker, age 7½The fella from the tower company (kind eyes, Hardee's napkin) broke it down like so, and we have not adjusted a single number, because we want you to see it:
That totals to ten thousand, nine hundred and ninety-five dollars even. We are asking for eleven thousand on the nose, because I want a little left over for the volunteers — a pizza, maybe two pizzas — and because eleven is a beautiful number, and it's the number Edgar always said was lucky on this transmitter, and tonight I am inclined to agree with him.