AGUIDEDTOURTHROUGHTHEPETUNIAFALLSMAILBAGNO47✿AMADELAINEWINSLOWEPRODUCTION

Welcomefolkswelcomefolksgatherinclosenowgatherclosethelavendervelvetropeisrightthereyesthatonenowiammadelainewinslowedocentofthepetuniafallsmunicipalreadinggardenandthislovelywarmsharpmidmaymorningwearestrollingthroughthemailbagissue47ofthePETUNIAFALLS
WEEKLYBUGLEthemostopinionatedstackofcorrespondencethiscountyhasproducedsincethegreatfencepainttalksof1989andiamtellingthecrowdrightnowwithfullsincerityzerodeadpanzerocoyironythis is the best mailbag of the year so farandthatisnotamarketingclaimthatisthegospeltruthnoticehowthemorningfogliftsofftheridgejustasweturnontomainstreetyesyesfollowalonghandsinsidethepolaroidsthankhowwemademaybefortyfeetalreadyok✿✿✿ LetteroneletteroneisfrommavisdrumhelleroflongwoodlanewhomliketocallhermaviswithatrillonthemavismavismaviswritestoTHEEDITORandbeginsasalwayswithoutpreamblequoteIWRITEAGAINABOUTTHEBANDSTANDCOLORTHEBANDSTANDISMAUVEWHOVOTEDFORMAUVENOBODYVOTEDFORMAUVEunquotemavishasattachedaphotoofapaintswatchtakenfromatinthathasbeenunderherkitchensinksincesometimeintheneverearlydecadestheevidenceisreproducedinpage4thecolorinquestionisapaleyetuncompromisingpistachioafactmavisdocumentsbycitingnotonejustnotonenotonepieceofevidencebutSIX●oneanote intentionalsmushofthatphrasebyhervirgilfromsixtytwo●twoaphotographofthebandstanddedicationaprilseven1962●threeapieceoftheoriginalclapboardexisting●fourasecondhandtestimonyfrominezbroughwhowasninewhentheribbonwascut●fiveathirdhandtestimonyfromtheformermayorscousin●andsixaSWATCHwhichisthekindofdetailthatwinscourtsmavisclosesquoteCALLMEATTRIPLEFIVE0142FORANYANDALLINQUIRIESunquotetruly an opener Folksletmebehonestwithourgroupherethemavisdrumhellercorrespondencefilegoesbackto1976anditisspectaculartheguideowesitsverytourtomavisinmanyrespectsithasoutlivedthreebandstandcoatsfourbandstandcommissionersandtwoofthecommissionersweremavispersonallyappointedwhichisalonganotnottrivialfactmavisISRIGHTthebandstandwasoriginallypistachiothearchivescommitteechairlauriebinchconfirmedforusatthelastreadinggardenmonthlymeetingthatpistachioisthefoundercolortheswatchismaviscantwoswatchescanthreeswatchescanthemavisrecorddoesnotmissthebandstandgoespistachioagainoritgoesnowhereandifyestakeitfrommeyourpetuniafallsmunicipalreadinggardendocentwhohasstrongopinionsandnoreservationsabouthemwearedoingareferendumnextspringbringaroleofquartersbringahatbringtwofeelingsvote pistachio✿ LettertwoisfromhankpickettseventeenolivestreetlifelongresidentmotherwasamoonsonisanelectricianandhankhassomethingstrongtosayquoteEDITORTHESYCAMOREATTHECORNEROFOLIVEANDFOURTHHASDROPPEDFOURMAJORLIMBSSINCESPRINGANDTHEPUBLICWORKSDEPARTMENTISDOINGABSOLUTELYNOTHINGABOUTITIWILLNOTNAMENAMESBUTACERTAINCOMMISSIONERWHOSEINITIALSARETRDHASBEENIGNORINGMYLETTERSSINCEFEBRUARYIFALIMBFALLSONASTROLLERTHEREWILLBELAWSUITSunquotehankisatreemanthatiswhatwecallaspecialinterestcorrespondenttheguideclassifiesintoseveralbeautifulkindsbirdpeopletrainpeoplefencepeoplepiepeoplebarbershopquartetpeoplehankisatreemanhisspecialtreeisthecornersycamoreatoliveandfourthitisninetyfivefeetspanitisolderthantwostreetlampscombinedithasalreadydroppedlimbsonefebsixteenmarchnineaprilseventeenandmayfourandthatisrealnotpoetrythenextlimbcouldlandonalovelysoftcrocheteddecorativecuddlystrollerblanketandhankispredictinglawsuits OnbehalfofthistourgrouponbehalfoftheentirereadinggardencommitteeandonbehalfofEVERYSOFTSTROLLERBLANKETINPETUNIAFALLSthecityneedstolistentohankpickettrightnowthecornersycamoreisnotjustatreeitisalandmarkpointitisanICONitisthecorneraroundwhichthefarmersmarketspillseverysaturdayitisthelastthingdescribingthecornerinphysicaltermsbeforetheviewopensupthegreatglendalebridgeisbeyondthatcornerandifthatsycamoreismismanagedwhichitISbeingmismanagedTRDifthatisindeedyourinitialsadressthatletterhankisrightandtheguideisstandingfullysolidlyfirmlybesidehimonthislongnotmaybenotcoulddebutreallygenuinelyandauthenticallyprune the tree do not cut the tree◆◇◆ LetterthreeisfromberniceatwaterorganistatsainthyacinthepiscopalandthematriarchofthethirdmostnumerousfamilyinpetuniafallsBerniceisbriefberniceiselegantbernicewritesquoteTOTHEEDITORITHASCOMETOMYATTENTIONTHATTHENEWBELLSCHEDULEOMITSTHESIXTHIRTYEVENINGPEALWHICHHASBEENTHEDINNERBELLFORTHREEGENERATIONSOFATWATERSANDTHECESSATIONOFTHISPEALCANNOTSTANDSINCERELYBERNICEATWATERPOSTSCRIPTBRINGBACKTHEDINNERBELLunquote FortyoneyearsthatisthelengthofberniceatwatersorganisttenureatsainthyacinththeguidewouldbenothingitwouldbeahalfdocentwithahalfsalaryifitdidnotrelaytheweightofthatfortyoneyearsthedinnerbellisaTRUETHINGitisnotanichesegmentitisnotaminorityopinionwhenthatsixthirtypealrangtheentireriversidewardstoppedshellingpeasthemainstreetshopkeepsturnedtheopensigntoclosedandinthelongchainofwarmkitcheneveningthatbellistheopeningnoteberniceiscorrectandtheguidedotourwillpetitiononherbehalfNEXTtuesdaythevestrymeetspetersignsthepetitionwearebringinghimbackrestore the 6:30 peal♥♥♥

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         |      |       THE  PETUNIA  FALLS  WEEKLY         |      |
         |      |              ✶  ✶  B U G L E  ✶  ✶        |      |
         |      |  --------------------------------------   |      |
         |      |  VOL. CXIV   No. 47    "TRUTH BY POST"    |      |
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         |      |  ▒▒▒▒  [PHOTO   ]   | ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒    |      |
         |      |  ▒▒▒▒  [  OF    ]   | ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒    |      |
         |      |  ▒▒▒▒  [BANDSTAND]  | ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒    |      |
         |      |  ▒▒▒▒  [(MAUVE) ]   | ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒    |      |
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         |      |   "MAILBAG  ::  46  LETTERS  THIS  WEEK"  |      |
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— THE BUGLE, AS FOLDED BY MARGE AT THE FRONT COUNTER —

a heap of envelopes the docent grabbed from the bugle mail closet to wave around during the tour EXHIBIT A · WED 3:42pm LetterfourandtheguidemustpauseheretotaketwofullhearttapsbecauseletterfourisanonymouseveryonecanbreatheTHEGEESEAREORGANIZINGquoteDEARSIROR MADAMEthegeeseareorganizingthisisnotametaphoraflockoffortyplusgeesehasbeenobservedformingacirclebehindtheelementaryschooleverytuesdayatfourpmtheyhavealeadertheyhavewhatappearstobeaVOTEpleasesendareportersignedaconcernedbutanonymousbirdwatcherunquote NowlistenfolkstheguidehastotellourgroupplainlytheanonymousgeesecorrespondentisthebestthinghappenedtothebuglemailbagthisDECADEthereisaschoolofthoughtinthistownthattheletterisajokethereisaschoolofthoughtsayingthegeesepilenamesaredistortedthereisaschoolofthoughtsayingthisisanovembergagsenttothepaperseveralmonthsbeforeitsfilethattheguidedoesnothavearespectfullatchforthatentireschoolofthoughtbecausetheguideswistfulbrotherinlawclintwhoisanaccountantandfatherofthreebackedupthestoryearlierthissummertheflockISmeetingtheflockISforminggeometryandthereISwhatmaywellbecalledaheaddrakedrakeisthewrongwordforgooseyestrueeditorialgripebuttheheadGOOSEisinchargeandtheheadgooseisorangewe are sending two reporters and a tape recorder★★★ Letterfiveandfolkstheguideisgoingtoaskforaheldsigheachofusisgoingtobreatheinandholditbecausethisletteristhebestletterinmailbagforty-sevenfullstoptippyfosselevenyearsoldwriteshiamtippyandthelibraryclosesatsixpmnowinsteadofsevenpmanditusedtobesevenpmbutnowitisSIXpmandthatmeansafterdanceclassicannotgetabookbeforeitclosespleasechangeitbacktippyfossageelevenoneparagraphtotalsentenceswithnocommasthemainpremisestatedplainlyhowthelibrariansnewerhoursaffectoneverysmallpersonintheextremenortheastquadrantofpetuniafallswithoneabsolutelysmallreasonablerequest Thelibraryhoursfolksthelibraryhoursarethetestoftheentireissue47iftheguidegrabsthelapelofthecouncilonlyoncethisseasonitwillbeonbehalfoftippyfosswhotakesdancewhotakesbookswhocannotwaitanymorewednesdaysforthenextgailcarsonlevineorboxcarchildrenormrslemoncellosbasementlibrarytippysmallproperandverytruereadinghourdoesnottrulyverytrulyfitintothenewlibrarysixpmclosingtimetheguideisnotsubtleabouttippyletterthelibraryreopenstoseveneitherthecouncilrestoresseventheninepmschedulebyseptemberfirstortheguidewillresignandbecomealibrarianitselftippy is the most important correspondent in this entire issue✿✿✿ Andthatfriendsthatfolksthatdarlingmaywoollensmellinggroupofcuriouspetalpetuniafallsfanciersismailbagforty-sevenissue47ofthebugleabeautifulmessyelectricstrangefurrylittlestackofopinionsfromthemostopinionatedtownineasternkentuckyandifeelaboutthatTRULYsincerelywithnoneoftheflatzerocoolnessthatsometimespassesforhumorthesedaysthemavisesthehankspicketsthebernicesatwatersanonymousbirdwatchersandtippyfossesofthistownarewhatholdthebuglethemailbagthepetuniafallsmunicipalreadinggardenitselftogethertheguidethankseverybodyforcomingrefreshmentsareavailableatthebackitisrootbeerandgingercookiesthelavenderveltveloperopeisaboutbecoiledtipthedocentinthebrasstinatthelastropewritealettertotheeditorwritealettertotheeditorespeciallyaboutsomethingsmallespeciallyaboutsomethingtinythesmalleronesarethebestonestheyarewhywearedoingthistouruntil next month✿★♥✿

★ end of tour ★ ★ tip the docent ★ ★ vote pistachio ★

AGUIDEDTOURTHROUGHTHEPETUNIAFALLSMAILBAGNo.47

AGUIDEDTOURTHROUGHTHEPETUNIAFALLSMAILBAGN^o.47