THE ESTATE OF
AUNT FLORINE GLADWELL

!! THE SALE OF A LIFETIME !!

Folks, I will tell you plainly: my Aunt Florine had more living in her left elbow than most people manage in a whole century. She kept correspondence with three radio personalities and a man who claimed to be a duke. She baked the pie that won the 1956 Wickenburg County Fair AND, two weeks later, the pie that won the 1956 Wickenburg County Fair Protest. She owned seventy-one porcelain owls, every one of them named, and every one of them coming up for sale at the price of a song.

If you have ever wondered what a real life looks like when it is finally laid out on card tables in a side yard — come Saturday. Come Sunday. Come both days, and bring a friend who has never seen a proper estate sale, so they will know forever after what one is supposed to feel like.

!! HIGHLIGHTED LOTS !!

(Tap any lot for the family's official commentary. We have plenty.)

• LOT 01THE OWL PARLIAMENT (71 PCS.)
  Yes — every owl. Sold as a flock or by the individual member. The matriarch ("MILDRED-THE-GRAVE") will not be separated from her three closest associates. Florine was firm on this in life and we are firm on this in death.
• LOT 02THE FAIR-WINNING ROLLING PIN
  Cedar. Slightly warped on the south end. Aunt Florine swore the warp was the secret. She also swore she had been to Niagara Falls, which she had not. Both swears are part of the lot, no extra charge.
• LOT 03CORRESPONDENCE (1947–1976)
  Three shoeboxes. One contains letters TO the alleged duke; one contains letters FROM the alleged duke; one contains letters Florine wrote to herself in case the duke ran out of things to say. Bidders are warned: the third box is the best one.
• LOT 04THE GREEN CONVERTIBLE (RUNS!!)
  '62 model. The horn plays the first six notes of a hymn nobody can identify. She once drove this directly at a tornado on purpose, won, and never spoke of it. Title in the glove box. Key for the glove box is also in the glove box. Please don't ask.
• LOT 05EIGHTY-ONE PAIRS OF KITCHEN SCISSORS
  She bought a new pair every time she misplaced one. She never threw the old ones out. The old ones always came back, eventually, sometimes in surprising drawers. A lifetime is just this — over and over, in slightly different decades.
• LOT 06THE PIANO SHE NEVER LEARNED
  Upright. Walnut. Tuned in 1961 and never since. The bench contains sheet music for songs she planned to learn the year after next, every year, for forty years. A FREE LESSON from MISS DELPHINE BRAUER comes with the purchase. Delphine throws in a sandwich.
• LOT 07"THE GOOD HAT"
  You will know it when you see it. She wore it to weddings, funerals, and one tornado (see LOT 04). It is not for sale to anyone who arrives without a story already prepared. The hat reserves the right to refuse you. Do not argue with the hat.
• LOT 08A WORKING TELEPHONE, RING ONLY
  Rotary. Avocado green. Receiver missing since 1969. It rings, however, with absolute reliability, every Thursday at 4:11 P.M. We have not investigated. We do not encourage you to either. Comes with a doily.

!! WHAT THE NEIGHBORS SAY !!

!! RING TO REQUEST A PRICING SHEET !!

!! HOW TO GET HERE !!

CASH ONLY · NO REASONABLE OFFER REFUSED · NO UNREASONABLE OFFER ENTERTAINED · DOGS WELCOME IF NAMED · PIE WELCOME ALWAYS