FEED the WHITE peg into HOLE B!! listen for the warble — if GREEN you are GO!! if RED, apologize aloud!!
CRANK counter-clockwise EXACTLY seven times!! never eight!! eight is reserved for weddings & boat launches!!
WHISPER your full legal name into the FELT CONE before midnight!! it WILL remember!! ohhh it WILL!!
SLIDE the wafer until you hear the YES-CLICK!! a NO-CLICK means come back Tuesday with cleaner thumbs!!
STACK three menthols atop the brass dome!! tap the silver knob with a QUARTER (a dime is an insult!!)
PUNCH 8-0-0-8 to summon the cousin!! 5-3-1-8 summons the OTHER cousin!! 9-1-1-1 just turns on the lamp!!
PLUG the OPAL wire into the PEARL socket!! reversal will void EVERYTHING you love!! please be CAREFUL!!
OPEN the tray with your RIGHT shoe OFF!! faulty otherwise!! TRUST!! ME!! ON!! THIS!!
AT 11:59 PM, KISS the brass dial twice!! you will feel the year flip in your KNEES!! brace yourself!!
SMACK the leftmost rubber strip THREE TIMES to engage TURBO!! a fourth slap voids the cosmos!!
SPIN the wheel until it WHISTLES!! when it whistles BACK at you, kneel down and say "thank you"!!
YOU are the CHOSEN OPERATOR!! simply think GO!! and the machine GOES!! GO!! GO!! GO!!!